Amusing Lodge Masonic Lodge Minutes



JANUARY 22ND, A.D. 2014 A.L. 6014

The Lodge was opened in Due Form on the 39th Degree of Masonry.

Members and visitors as per Tyler’s Register. The Worshipful Master led the Pledge of Allegiance and made suitable sacrifice to Baphomet. He then welcomed the brethren, visitors and dignitaries.

Minutes were read and approved as amended for the January 8th Stated Communication.

Treasurer’s Report:

Bills were presented and approved to the following expenses: Annual Trilateral Commission dues: $20,000, flying saucer fuel and parking: $11,872, crop circle rezoning permit: $35, water bill: $31.85, lizard feed: $153.22, secret document storage: $533.98, and $112.84 to have the woolly goat leggings dry cleaned.

Income was presented and accepted for the following amounts: $1,483 Roswell Landing UFO Museum franchise fees, $2,877 Russian Revolution surcharges, $1,448 Fake Moon Landing royalties, $100,067 Bermuda Triangle rent, $133 “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt sales, $354,887 Federal Reserve Profit Sharing Fund, $22,098 black helicopter fly-by service at Arrowhead Stadium, and $14,555 for various celebrity assignations and miscellaneous political coups.

Brother Bolshevik made a motion that the members attend the annual meeting of the Rhodes-Milner Round Table in Bohemian Grove, and that members be allowed to wear their long formal horns and ***-less chaps during the bloodletting ceremony. The motion was seconded by Brother Jahbulon and unanimously passed.

Brother Lizzard-Man made an invitation to all lodge members to attend the annual Bilderberg-Morgan-Rothschild Baby-Eating Contest on plant Khartoum in two moon phases. Dress is casual and desert will be served following the carnage. Festivities begin at 7 PM with the traditional Building of the Sacred Zysop Pentagram. The Daughters of Abaddon the Destroyer will provide refreshments and entertainment. The admission fee is one virgin she-child or free with validated proof of a recent child sacrifice.

Reminders were made about the Spring Pagan Festival and Illuminati Easter Egg Hunt being held on May 3rd at the Weltauffassung prison camp picnic grounds.

Brother Crowley made a motion that a demonic and numerological incantation of evil be vexed on the enemies of Freemasonry, but the measure failed for lack of a second. Brother Crowley then withdrew the previous motion and submitted a new motion that the lodge sponsor a pancake feed on an upcoming Saturday as a fund-raiser. This was seconded by Brother Hitler and unanimously passed. The Worshipful Master appointed a committee consisting of Brothers Crowley, Hitler and Khomeini to oversee the event, with their progress report being due at the next stated communication of the lodge.

It was announced that there would be a study club this Thursday to practice civilian interment and processing of prisoners.

It was reported that Brothers Bud Abbott, Gene Autry, William “Count” Basie, Irving Berlin, Mel Blanc, Daniel Boone, James Bowie, Omar Bradley, James Buchanan, Winston Churchill, Roy Clark, Ty Cobb Nat “King” Cole, Samuel Colt, David “Davy” Crocket, Cecil B. DeMille, Hack Dempsey, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Duke Ellington, Douglas Fairbanks, W.C. Fields, Henry Ford, Benjamin Franklin, Clark Gable, James A. Garfield, Arthur Godfrey, Barry Goldwater, Gus Grissom, John Hancock, Warren G. Harding, Oliver Hardy, Patrick Henry, J. Edgar Hoover, Harry Houdini, Sam Houston, Burl Ives, Andrew Jackson, Andrew Johnson, John Paul Jones, Douglas MacArthur, Fredrick Maytag, William McKinley, Tom Mix, James Monroe, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Audie Murphy, Rev Norman Vincent Peale, JC Penney, and Bronson Pinchot were all still dead. A motion to reanimate them using the Knowledge of the Ancients was made by Brother Isador, but failed to receive a second due to the lateness of the hour. Brother Lizzard-Man offered to suspend the flow of time using the secret Time Arresting Device, but was ruled out of order. Lizzard-Man then attempted to submit the Worshipful Master to his will and control through the use of subliminal Khartoumian Mind Control telepathy, but this measure was defeated by the Worshipful Master's wearing of an official Art Bell aluminium foil top hat. The motion for reanimation of the unliving was tabled until the next stated communication of the lodge.

There being no further business to come before the Lodge, it was closed in due form on the 39th Degree of Masonry, peace, and harmony prevailing. Cake and ice cream followed.

Faithfully submitted,

Axel P. Smerdley, PM Lodge Secretary

The above was originally sourced from the Masonic discussion group at web site The Sanctum Sanctorum which is no longer operate.